Thursday, February 21, 2013

Matters of the Heart

To say that my life is now sunshine and rainbows and I don't think about Down syndrome would be a lie. I would like to be able to tell everyone that I have come out on the other side with grace. I am trying. The wounds are still there, healing little by little everyday. Today I felt a familiar twinge of pain that I felt in the beginning. We had three doctors appointments today with one being for myself. I had my six week postpartum check up with my OB (if you're doing the math, yes, it has been 12 weeks...I'm a procrastinator). As I sat waiting to see the doctor, I saw what seemed like a hundred pregnant women. All with smiles, some holding snapshots of their tiny munchkins, and some looking like they were ready to have their baby right then and there. Then it came...the strong current trying to pull me down into the dark sea. The same dark sea that I was trapped in for weeks gasping for air, reaching for a hand, trying to paddle to shore. For a moment I was jealous. Perhaps it was because I never got to enjoy my third trimester? Or maybe it was because they were going to get a perfect healthy baby. I don't know. I know it's wrong. I am not perfect. This time was different though...I was not pulled under. I managed to stay afloat just long enough to look down at my perfect son sleeping in his car seat. Oh how I love this boy! Once again I remind myself, we will be okay.

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19

Now that I have served myself some cheese and wine at my pity party for one, lets get down to the important stuff. Camden had his weekly weight check today and he weighed...wait for it...8 lbs 11 oz! He is up 9 ounces from last week which is wonderful. This means we can stop doing our weekly weigh ins! Hooray! Now we won't have to go see Dr. Marsh until his 4 month check up.

The next stop on the doctor train was the cardiologist. This one always makes me nervous. For those who don't know, Camden has a VSD (ventricular septal defect). A VSD is basically a hole in the heart. It's an opening in the lower chambers of the heart, allowing oxygen-rich and oxygen-poor blood to mix. It is classified as small, moderate or large. Camden's is large (9 mm). However, there is a flap of tissue covering part of the whole making it more of a moderate sized VSD. A small VSD usually never requires surgery as it causes no problems. A large VSD pretty much is always surgically corrected. The moderate ones are tricky. Some close, some do not. Some cause symptoms (tiring easily, sweating when eating or during activity, fast breathing) and some do not. Camden's VSD has not caused a problem. Dr. Case feels pretty confident that as Camden grows the tissue will grow as well and eventually close the hole. This is wonderful news!
No, no, no...this is fantastic news!!! There are no guarantees, but we will take what we can get for now. So for now, we are in a wait and watch approach. We will go back in a month for another echocardiogram. All in all, a great day!

Getting ready to see the Cardiologist and hoping for good news!

Look how big I'm getting!
Enjoying some good ol Chinese food afterwards



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    1. Diane, it is great to finally "meet" you and Camden! He is TOO cute! I am so glad to hear that his visit went well and he's gaining weight. I will definitely keep you guys in my prayers that his VSD will close on its own.

      I appreciate your sense of humor - we need it right? Glad you were able to stay afloat and I soo needed the scripture you posted, it was right on time! Don't feel bad about your "wine and cheese party", they happen, one day maybe we can book a table for two :-). Until then, I hope we can continue to be encouraging to each other!

      Chandra (a.k.a. - Kennedy's mom)

    2. Thanks Chandra! When I think about Kenni, I know his VSD seems so small. I just read that she may have a virs. Boo :( I know you are so ready to have that sweet girl home! They are definitely on their own time and always will be. We need to get Kenni better so we can start having play dates! Praying that she doesn't have a virus and her sats come back up. Praying for mom's sanity and patience too. :)

  2. So glad to hear the good news! I feel those complicated sad feelings when I see other new babies and pregnant women as well. I have no words of wisdom on it but just know you're not alone. :)

    1. That's why I love our online group. It's nice to go through this journey with others in the same boat! Loved your last post btw!